Today, I have decided to share my very weird dream I had last night.

You know when you have those dreams that when you wake up, you can remember a lot of it? And if it’s a scary dream you can’t move until you tell yourself that it was just a dream and that it didn’t really happen?

No….. ?

Just me…..? (ya, I can be kinda a wimp sometimes ☺)

Anyway, here is the dream. The title is – Experience on Gnome Hill.

I was standing next to this giant gnome (it didn’t talk or move on it’s own – it was kind of like a tree) and next to me was Jesus (he was real and was talking). So, we were talking and I was facilitating this encounter Jesus was about to have with the Antichrist. And then Jesus went away and the Antichrist came and stood next to me and let out a roar so loud that it shook the giant gnome until it fell on it’s side and started rolling down this hill crushing all the little gnomes below.

Then……

I woke up.

And I had this sense of strong fear come over me. I don’t know why I was so afraid but it was very real to me…. so I started praying to Jesus and I had this revelation.

I can talk to Jesus anytime I want….. He’s real…..and He cares….

Now, I have prayed many times before and believed that Jesus was real, but this was a different kind of revelation. I think it was because I was just standing next to Jesus in my dream and now I was praying to Him.

The same Jesus that was born in a manger.
The same Jesus that grew up and became a great teacher.
The same Jesus who died…. and rose from the dead – allowing me to spend eternity with Him.

That Jesus.

God.

Not some nice thought up idea of what Jesus is.
Not some imaginary person you can pretend to talk to.
Not some hierarchy that doesn’t have time to listen to your fears about a stupid gnome dream.

A loving Jesus. A caring Jesus. An understanding Jesus.

I felt better, and I’m pretty sure that’s not how the apocalypse is going to happen, but you never know….. maybe that was a prophecy about giant gnome being built up right before the second coming….. something to look for I guess. J/K!!!

When I uploaded last week’s blog I knew it would be hard. Let me clarify. I knew that blogging THIS WEEK would be hard. Not that it wasn’t difficult to admit to sitting alone on a Saturday night watching movies while throwing myself a pity party- not pretty stuff. Nor was it particularly easy to admit that Jesus called me on the carpet for stuff. Big stuff. I knew the real challenge, however, would be writing this week. Because I knew that I would probably fail and I knew I would not want to admit it to you.

But I had promised myself that if I was going to do this blog I was not going to waste my time or your time with posturing, pretending or glossing over the truth. Post-moderns hate masks and moderns hardly know how to exist without them. Boomers are so darned driven and so success oriented that what I want to tell you is how great I did at obeying God. Jesus spoke, the Holy Spirit anointed and I immediately responded by giving up what I was supposed to give up and stopping what I needed to stop. I could then follow it with a 3 point teaching on how to walk in obedience, throw in some Greek roots to boot.

Yeah … not the case. Something shifted in my heart, but I still failed.

Hanging out at Immersion is changing me in ways I never expected. And one of those ways is I am learning to be what I have always claimed to value but never truly walked in – being transparent. Transparency is frightening. It is risky. It is uncomfortable. And honestly, transparency in a modern boomer Christian world invites all kinds of mini-sermons and well-meaning but ultimately finger-pointing advice on how not to fail from those to whom you confessed. Boomers have taken Christianity, boiled it down to principles and precepts, and turned it into another project at which we must succeed. New car. Check. Promotion. Check. Obeyed God. Check.

Interestingly enough, the very charge that moderns levy at post-moderns- not believing in absolute truth and the seeming ease of living with sin and without conviction- I am shockingly finding is the very thing that is freeing me to be transparent. In the mix of that I find amazing and breathtaking acceptance.

When I talk about my struggles or (gasp) failures I don’t get raised eyebrows, shocked looks, five ways to fix it or a “come on you can do better” talk. Sometimes I don’t even get a reaction which tempers my self-absorption; like ‘this is not only not a big deal it isn’t a deal at all’. I’m sure it can be argued at length that this is bad. But for me, for right now, it is freedom. Hear me clearly. I am not talking about the liberty to sin but the freedom to be honest about it.

I am learning to sit in my own sinfulness and to be comfortable with it and resist the temptation to hide it, fix it, fudge it or pretend it isn’t there. Like the extra pounds I’ve gained this past year, nothing I put on is going to disguise it and there is no quick fix to get rid of it. I am learning to be at ease with who I am as I am, and it is good.

My logical, linear thinking is starting to make room for the chaos and contradiction of sin and grace. The mask that used to protect is now heavy and suffocating; the image of perfection too exhausting. And if Christianity is all about success, I quit. Because the truth is I am now, always will be and always have been only one thing- a miserable sinner saved by God’s amazing grace. Fatally flawed, passionately loved. How freeing it is to live in the dichotomy of that truth.

I used to always laugh at the idea of going to the gym to lift weights. The idea of being around a bunch of sweaty people exercising and flexing their muscles in front of mirrors just seems so wrong to me.

Oh well...I enjoy going after work each day. It relaxes me. My mind is usually worn out from the day at the office, but my body needs to expel cooped up energy. So I try not to think too hard while I lift and let my body begin to work.

However, while I was pumping the iron recently, my mind was racing with fascination of how God designed the human body. It is amazing to think that the act of lifting weights does not build the muscle but rather it tears it apart and breaks it down. It is the time of rest after the workout where the muscle is strengthened by the body repairing itself from the damage done during the workout. My workout is really only breaking my body apart...tearing and stretching the muscles. It is while I sleep that my body becomes stronger as the muscle tissues use protein from my diet to mend and repair the broken tissue. The process makes my body stronger...or so I hope.

Isn’t it amazing how God designed our bodies to gain strength through being broken and torn? I think this is true in more than just physical terms.

Have you ever been broken? Maybe you have been at the end of the line, on your knees, humble before God, desperately needing Him to get through a trial in life? OR..maybe you have been broken from the consequences of sin when your actions finally caught up to you? Let me tell you I have been broken many times...both from trials and consequences of sin. I cannot describe in words what a state of brokenness feels like...it is a very humbling experience.

King David knew what it felt like to be broken. Just after Nathan confronted him about his adulterous affair with Bathsheba and his murder of her husband, King David cried out these words to God in Psalm 51:

“Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me — now let me rejoice.”

Looking back at my life over the past few years I can certainly say I was strengthened the most when I was broken. Not physically, but in my spiritual life...deep down within my soul as I turned toward God.

I have been broken many times and will be again I’m sure, but today I rejoice! I am full of joy knowing God has designed us to grow stronger as we turn toward Him when we are broken. God has given me back my joy...and...I am stronger spiritually as well.

For those of you who know me personally, the fact that I’m choosing to wax intellectual about a topic like grammar in prayer will come as no surprise. But, for those of you who don’t know me well, at least give me a paragraph or two to explain myself and at least attempt to save face before you write me off as an obsessive-compulsive grammar nazi.

I have a degree in Technical Communication, which is an emphasis within English. It focuses intensely on audience analysis and determining what method and style of communication will be most effective for said audience based on your findings. It’s rhetoric in a sense, but with the added perks of being anal about grammar and technology, and it’s all rolled into one four-year program. Needless to say, once you’re trained in this type of thinking, it’s tough to turn it off…

I’m the person who laughs at signs that say “ATM Machine”, or chuckles at the redundancy of phrases like “enter into” that pop up all too often in the church these days [sorry Justin, I can’t let this go on any longer]. I’ve also been known to cringe at things like “8:00AM in the morning” or needlessly-elaborate phrases like “in the process of” when simply saying what you’re doing will suffice.

Anyway, I think you get the point. I tend to pay more attention to how people say things than I do to what they’re actually saying. And yes, I realize that’s going to be a major problem with a woman someday, but that’s a battle I’m prepared to fight! But for now, I’m hoping that my quirky brain will have noticed something that you, the beloved Immersion blog reader, will find thought-provoking at the very least.

So, with no further delay, here’s my question:

Have you ever noticed how often we say “just” when we pray?

Think about it. Almost everyone who you hear pray aloud will drop this seemingly harmless word into a prayer to God. “God we just ask that you [verb].” It’s very commonplace language anymore; and even I have to confess to hearing it slip into my prayers now and again.

So, what’s the problem? Well, think about the context in which the word is being used in a prayer. A dictionary suggests “only” or “merely” as synonyms for this use of “just” as an adverb. Linguistically, adding this kind of modifier to a request attempts to shrink the request and make it seem less daunting to the recipient, which therefore makes us feel more justified in asking for it.

Again, I urge you before you read on: Think about it. What are some other times in our lives when we use this kind of language? Who else do you “shrink” your language to in order to seem like less of a liability?

• Maybe a friend when you ask to just borrow a couple bucks?
• Or to a landlord when you just need a couple more days to get the rent?
• Perhaps to a friend or lover you’ve burned who you think just needs to give you another chance?

Call me crazy, but the trend I’m seeing here is that it puts us in a position of beggar, doesn’t it? By framing our requests as such, it seems that we’re acknowledging that the person we’re addressing has power over us and that, in some cases, we feel unworthy to even be asking them for a favor.

Now, be careful not to jump to conclusions. Even I want to ask, “Well, yea, but we’re talking about GOD here! Why WOULDN’T we want to pray as if we’re not worthy? Why SHOULDN’T we feel as if we’re beggars in light of God’s sovereignty?” Well, simply put, we’re not commanded to pray that way.

After Jesus told his disciples how to pray, he gave them a very powerful story about a man in need of bread that I think we could all stand to learn from:

Then he said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.'
“Then the one inside answers, 'Don't bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can't get up and give you anything.' I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man's boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs.
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Luke 11:5-10

Did you catch that? Because of the man’s BOLDNESS, he will receive as much as he needs! The footnote of the NIV says this word could also be translated as persistence.

How do you suppose the man inside with the bread would have responded if the man at the door had asked “Come on, just spare a couple loaves?” I can only assume that he would’ve grown slightly more irritated and probably shooed the “beggar” away from his house and gone back to bed. However, because of the man’s boldness and persistence, he got what he needed!

It’s no accident that this story immediately follows Jesus’ teaching of what we now call the Lord’s Prayer. Jesus is telling us that yes, we do approach God as strangers in need, but that we must pray boldly and persistently! We have no reason to approach God as if we have no business speaking to him. God wants us to speak to him, and tells us exactly the posture to have when we do it! Jesus endured what he did to give us the privilege to speak to God with confidence, as justified people before a glorious God. What a shame to not use it!

So, my friends, as strongly as I can urge you, pray knowing that you’re worthy! Pray knowing that you have every reason to bring even the smallest request to God! Pray boldly for the desires of your heart, and pray persistently without shame because your sins have been forgiven! Don’t just pray, pray BOLDLY!

Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.
-Sue Patton


So I have this planner, this Franklin Covey planner that was given to me as a gift from the company when I first started my job.

Not only did it make me feel appreciated and organized, it also was a great test of my decision-making skills because I got to choose the theme of my pages.

I ended up choosing themed pages based on the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

I have never read this book, so I cannot voice an opinion one way or the other, but the combination of nature scenes as well as quotes on the top of each daily page…..

tripped my trigger.

The above quote was from the top of page April 5th.
I made that up, I truly do not know the exact date so if you have the same themed pages please do not stress yourself.

Anyway, I LOVED this quote, and I don’t even know who Sue Patton is (not on Wikipedia, trust me, I checked), but regardless of her lack of Wiki-famousity, I thought this was super insightful.

People love to talk but LOVE to be heard….

There is a difference.

You can totally tell when someone is really listening to you. Not judging, intensely interested, not thinking about the next thing on their list of things to do, truly heart felt listening….. to YOU.

You know what I’m talking about, you can tell. Remember that time when you were trying to explain something to someone and they “heard” you but didn’t really “hear” you. And how did that make you feel?

Devalued
Unappreciated
Unimportant

Good listening is so valuable but so hard to find.

When someone stops what they are doing, looks you in the eyes, sincerely nods along, doesn’t interject with the ever popular “Oh, that happened to me once” “I remember when “I” “I” “I” “I” “MY””MY””MY””MY””ME””MINE””MY TIME, MY THOUGHTS, MY ATTENTION, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE!!!!”

Not only is it a miraculous thing for the person being listened to… but it is also a miraculous thing for the person doing the listening.

And what Christ promotes!

How did that verse go again? You should be QUICK to what???? What should we be fast to do?? Oh, ya.

Try it for yourself, check your motives when listening to a friend, spouse, family member, etc.

See for yourself.

I often wonder what we could get accomplished if we practiced healthy listening skills.

I had a difficult night Saturday night preceded by my sitting alone for many hours watching Love Actually, The Holiday and Pride and Prejudice back to back. It was a 6 hour and 40 minute British love-story-palooza and yes, I cried and yes I’m a sap and yes I’m a girl and yes I’m single. Probably wasn’t the smartest way to spend a Saturday night.

There is something endearingly enchanting (to women anyway) about the “just happened to run into you, how weird is that, and now we are falling in love” love story. I think it’s the mystical “it can happen at any moment” part that is so beguiling. It catches single women wondering when they enter the grocery store, “Could this be the time? Will I accidentally bump carts with the man who will love me for eternity?” The Holiday calls that a meet-cute. Women call it fate.

Many years ago a Newsweek article spoke words of doom over single women when they pronounced the chances of marrying a man after the age of 40 were slimmer than the chances of being killed in a terrorist attack. A collective cry of horror arose which if you listen closely can still be heard in lonely city streets, seedy hotel rooms and bars late at night. A horror the equal of Munch’s Scream.

Now I get that many of you reading this are no where near close to 40 and probably weren’t even born when that article came out and maybe you never even heard about it (lucky you). I dare say, if you’re single and a woman and a Christian, you know the angst, the ticking clock, the always a bridesmaid, the ‘should I put on makeup before I run out for the paper’ conundrum that defines your days and stalks your often lonely nights.

I turned off the movies and walked the dog for the last time that night and sad to say, no meet-cute. Not in the city streets, not in the elevator, not in the hall outside my loft. My life isn’t like Hollywood- dang it. So I went to bed and cried and felt oh-so sorry for myself and told Jesus all about it. (He was shocked!) (Not.) And interestingly enough He used the fact that He had my attention to talk to me about some things in my life I needed to give up and some things I needed to stop doing. At once. I had an honest to God come to Jesus.

He clearly showed me ways He had blessed my life that were gifts that came straight from my Heavenly Father and things in my life I had badly bunged up by putting my hands in when I had no business. The Isaacs and the Ishmaels. These moments of crystal clarity come so infrequently. Usually life is a muddle. But I could see, really see what needed to be done and had a glimpse of where He may be taking me. Single? Married? I have no clue. He spoke not a word on that issue. I’m reasonably sure I am probably safe from a terrorist taking me out regardless of my marital state. (By the way, that Newsweek article turned out to be bunk though it remains today an urban legend.)

But this is the kicker of the story. When I woke up Sunday morning seeing clearer and knowing what needed to be done, my eye lashes were stuck together and there was this substance the consistency of oil on my eyes. Not the hard crusties like you slept too long. Oil. I am not making this up. All around my eyes- oil. I can only surmise that the Holy Spirit anointed my eyes as I slept. So apparently I did have a meet-cute that night with the greatest of Dates imaginable. Not Hollywood style but a love destined to last an eternity. And only Jesus can truly deliver on a promise like that.

It is hard for me to write something today. I won’t try to hide it. Today I am sad and my spirit is torn. Today I cannot offer anything deep or insightful. Today I am on my knees begging to hear from God. I know He is speaking to me; I just cannot hear Him or probably I just don’t want to hear what He is saying. I suppose we all feel this way at times, but so often we cover it up. Honestly, I didn’t want to admit today either. I wanted to put on a fake smile and say life is peachy. Today that doesn’t seem to work. Today I need to know God is holding me close. I need to feel His presence.

Earlier this week I read these verses:

Isaiah 40:10-11, “Yes, the Sovereign Lord is coming in power. He will rule with a powerful arm. See, he brings his reward with him as he comes. He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart.”

Throughout scripture, we are reminded of God’s awesome power and authority. Nothing seems to symbolize His mightiness and justice like that of His arms. Reading these verses a I get the picture of a king holding his scepter or a battle-proven warrior holding his sword. I see the mental picture of a strong, muscular arm being flexed showing incredible strength.

Today I need to believe the second part of those verses. I need to believe the powerful arms of God...the same arms and hands that created this ever-expanding universe...are the same gentle, loving arms that are holding me close to His heart. I need to believe all the power of God is being funneled through His arms as He holds me.

God – today I pray and ask you to hold me close. Today I need to feel the warmth of your chest and the strength of your arms. I want to hear your heartbeat...the heart that loves me so much you were willing to give everything that I might live. May I rest in your arms today knowing you are holding me close. I know there are others who need to feel your presence today as well. I ask you to hold them close to your heart. May they hear your heart beating with love for them like never before.

Can you feel the strength in His loving arms?

Can you feel the warmth of His chest?

Can you feel His heartbeat?

I pray that you do.

The popular stance on worshiping God with song is that we should sing the songs for an audience of one. The ideal is that our hearts are so focused on God that we’re almost completely oblivious to what is happening around us. We are so caught up in praising God for his love that we can’t help but sing along to the music and shake whatever moneymaker he may or may not have blessed us with. :)

But, when we’re completely honest, that’s rarely the case - myself included. It’s nearly impossible to close our eyes, throw our hands in the air to God, and completely forget about the six complete strangers in close proximity. Granted, some of us are incredibly shameless with our worship (and my hat’s off to you), but for most of us, it’s a struggle. It’s as if we’re more concerned about someone around us having an awkward impression or thought of us than we are with telling our creator that we’re grateful for him. Sound silly? Well, it should. It is!

But, have you noticed that seeing the people around you engaged deeply and honestly in worship seems to relieve the fear you have of cutting loose and praising Jesus? Sure, it’s easy enough to just say, “Yea, it’s easier for you to not look like a fool if everyone around you is doing it too!” And that’s a fair point if all you’re concerned with is what everyone around you thinks.

I believe there’s more to it - there has to be. If our own ability to worship hinges on the behavior of those around us, I hate to say it, but we’re going to leave worship services very empty, very often. I don’t aim to make any conclusive point here, but more to just think out loud and provoke some thought or good discussion.

Is it possible that there’s something unseen that happens when someone fully engages in worship? Does it affect the people nearby?

Personally, I’d say yes with 100% certainty. If there’s one thing that will happen consistently, it’s that when I leave a service feeling as though I experienced God in a more powerful way than I had in a long time, a handful of other people will approach me and say the same thing. I believe there’s a synergism that comes when even one person is fully engaged in worship around other people.

It’s difficult to explain. Some people are comfortable with just referring to this concept as the Holy Spirit’s presence, but some want to explore it more and explain what happens. Both are ok!

So, what do the rest of you think? I’m curious to hear people’s thoughts on praising God with song and what things are happening between our reaching hands and beating hearts.

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."

Organization… being organized…. Everything has a place and everything in its place. This is a life lesson that has taken me YEARS to learn and I’m still learning. When I was little I was the complete opposite of a “neat freak” my idea of cleaning my room was to shove all my toys under my bed. My thought process was “out of sight, out of mind” ….. right?!?! I mean if nobody else can see it, then does it truly exist? And to be honest I thought I was completely fine with this logic…. until the time came when my mom would say to me “Hey, Jodi – where is (FILL IN THE BLANK)? I would get this sick to my stomach feeling because I knew that I had to “come clean” (as corny of a line as it is). I remember just mountains upon mountain of toys pulled from under my bed. To me it was overwhelming… I didn’t want to start dealing with the problem because I didn’t even know where to start. I needed help. I needed someone who was blessed with the gift or organization to help me. I couldn’t do it on my own. And so I went to the person who I knew was the expert, my sister. She would put me to work and tell me where things should go and come along side me and help me figure out this overwhelming task. And when we were done, there was this peace that came over me. A weight was lifted. I didn’t have anything to hide. I was free.

I do this with my heart too. My feelings get shoved away, to deal with them at another juncture. If I push them away, they’re gone… right? I mean out of mind out of heart? And a lot of the time I am completely fine with this logic… until the time comes when God asks me “Hey Jodi, where is (FILL IN THE BLANK)? Ahhh, what? Not now God, I don’t want to deal with this… stop trying to refine me for goodness sakes, I’m tired of it. I can deal with this problem on my own, in my own time. I don’t need you. And then the pile gets bigger and harder to hide. When it’s finally pulled out, it’s overwhelming and I don’t know where to start. So I go to the expert, my Savior. And He stays along side of me, helping me figure things out and deal with them. He takes my problems and lifts them off of my shoulders, showing love in its truest form. A weight is lifted. I don’t have anything to hide. I am free.

Rasta Dog (name changed to protect the not-so-innocent) flushed up a wounded bird on our walk today. Cities are hard on birds. Not because of why you might think- the obvious lack of trees and green space. I think they do just fine with building nests in the nooks and crannies of tall buildings. It’s because those same buildings which give them shelter can spell their doom if they fly into a window six stories up. I have seen three dead and one wounded bird in the last few weeks. It makes me feel sad.

And then it stirs another curious sensation. Every time I see one of these fallen birds I immediately think of what Jesus said about how not even a sparrow falls from the sky without Him knowing about it. I think then I extrapolate. I ponder how many birds there are in the world and how many died today. I consider how many hairs there are that fell today from the how many heads there are in the world. I think and then doubt. How in the world could God possibly know all the birds, all the hair, all the heads and all our thoughts? At once? Seriously? Not possible.

I have been a Christian long enough to have had many wrestles with my intellect concerning God and the Bible. I remember struggling with the account of Jonah trapped in the fish belly for three days. Not possible, said I. Gastric juices would have eaten him from the outside in. Lot’s wife turning to salt makes a great point about getting on with kingdom business but did it actually happen? I think not. However Jesus affirmed both those accounts making them either true or Him a liar. Not a liar is my vote.

As I matured so did my doubts. Casting a legion of demons into swine? Why? Why not just send them to the dry and arid places and leave the poor swine owner his livelihood? Why make a paste of spit and mud when you can speak a word? Why didn’t You heal my marriage God when I prayed for so … many … years? Why? Why? Why? I don’t get it, Lord. Why?

I have been a Christian long enough to know that wrestles of the intellect end in one place- with a bowing of my knee. My brain is just not capable of grasping in entirety God’s power and might and sovereignty nor understanding His purposes, reasoning, will or plans. At the end of the day, after playing with my doubts the way my tongue plays with a rough new filling, I bow to His majesty and give up the need to understand and mysteriously the doubt turns to, “Of course You know all the sparrows that fall. Why wouldn’t You … You’re God!”

Rasta Dog didn’t hurt that fallen bird pathetic in its attempts to hop/fly away. I had mercy on the wounded bird and played God for a minute and used the fact that I have many pounds on Dog to pull her away and today, I may not have done much, but today I saved a bird. The bird fell and I saw it and I cared. Why shouldn’t I believe that God knows and cares about all the birds that fall and knows and cares about all of us even more?

Have you ever been told a lie? Have you ever looked someone in the eye and asked for the truth only to get a flat out lie in response when you know it is a lie? It can hurt deeply. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why does it hurt to be told a lie? Why does it frustrate us when we have been told a lie? Lies certainly hurt but even worse...they destroy trust. Why is it that it can take years to build trust and earn a good reputation, but one little lie can throw that all out the door?

I think the answer to all these questions are found deep down within our very own souls. I believe everyone was created with certain cravings within their soul. For example, at the very core of who we are, we all desire intimacy, to be loved, and to love. Also, we all desire to have meaning, purpose and significance. Just like these, I believe we all have a craving for truth. Think about it. We all want to know the truth. In life, every day we are subconsciously determining if things we are being told are true or not...do we believe it or not...can we trust the source or not. Where does this desire for truth come from? Why do we search for truth all day, every day, in all that we do, and in all we are told?

What are we craving when we seek truth? OR...is the question really who are we craving? Is our instinctive quest for truth really an instinctive quest for the source of all truth...God? Think through this with me. What is it about knowing the truth that comforts us and gives us peace and rest within our spirits? Why is it that when we do not know the truth we yearn for it and search for it and are not satisfied until we know the truth? I think this characteristic at the very core of who we are as human beings cannot be explained any other way than it was created within us by the source of all truth. Did God place within our souls the desire to seek truth so we would ultimately seek the source of all truth...God himself?

Reading my morning devotional earlier this week, I was reminded of this truth: God cannot tell a lie. The devotional discussed how this is not a weakness in God but a display of complete power. What is impossible for God? Nothing is impossible for Him due to lack of power; only what is contrary to His nature is impossible. God cannot limit His fullness and cannot change His nature. He is who He is and this does not show a weakness, but rather the absence of weakness shows His complete power.

Hebrews 6:18-19, “So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.”

God cannot tell a lie. This reminder was so comforting to me this week. Why? Because I know I can trust my God. I can believe everything He has ever told me. I can believe all His promises to be true such as: He loves me, He is with me, He is never changing, He is faithful, He is in control, and He is working all things for the good of those who love Him...just to name a few! I don’t know about you, but I know my soul craves truth...my soul craves the source of all truth...my soul craves God. There is so much comfort and peace in knowing the truth, even more in knowing the source of truth, and words cannot express the comfort and peace in knowing God. What does your soul crave? Are you searching for truth? Do you know God?

Last week on www.bedeviant.com J-wise posted a pretty sweet quote from a guy named Rhett Smith. In this quote, Smith suggests that we have strayed away from the style of teaching that Jesus used with his disciples, and that our doing so is preventing people from actually taking time to read, study, and extract meaning from scripture, which would lead to a much greater understanding and more durable faith as a result.

It’s as if the road that leads us to an end isn’t important anymore, which is a silly notion to say the least. Imagine if we were to engineer a type of pill that could provide us with all of the nourishment we would ever need in a day. This pill could contain every vitamin, mineral, and calorie a person could ever use from morning to night. As long as we’re talking crazy, let’s say it contains the necessary hormones to stave off any sort of hunger we would ever feel as well.

Knowing how amazing food is, could you do it? Could you sacrifice the enjoyment of sinking your teeth into an ooey-gooey, warm-and-toasty, extra sloppy-melty piece of pizza? Could you forego twirling and slurping each tomato and parmesan-drenched spaghetti noodle as you glance around the table trying to see who’s going to steal the last breadstick? Could you go the rest of your life without carving your way through a delightful blend of ice cream and whatever candy your little heart happened to be pining for as you stepped up to the counter?

I mean, as long as we are getting what we ultimately need from food, there’s no point in the process, right? Why bother with all the ceremony when we could provide ourselves with everything food provides in the blink of an eye by swallowing a pill?

Obviously I’m being facetious to demonstrate the absurdity of the example and questions I’ve posed. But, why do we approach a relationship with Jesus this way?

As Christians, we meander about talking about the most satisfying, fulfilling relationship anyone could ever know. We swear up and down that the ways of the world are repulsive and are to be avoided at all costs, yet it seems that we can get caught up in approaching our loving savior in the same way that we approach a flame-broiled Whopper. I want it my way, and I want it now!

At what point did we decide that hearing from God was work? And when exactly did we lose any and all appreciation for the journey of reading, studying, and meditation on God’s living word? And most dishearteningly of all, have we really been led to believe that if we simply manage to glean all of the “lessons” from the Bible that we’ll finally “get it”? We’ve been offered eternal salvation, and a promise from an everlasting God that He will walk hand-in-hand with us through every joy and trial in our lives. And instead of walking by his side, we’re trying to drag God by the hand and hurry him along as if we have somewhere else we’d rather be.

Of course our culture isn’t going to change anytime soon. It’s on us to put our approach to our relationships with Jesus in perspective. We’re faced with a myriad of decisions everyday, and by making a choice to endure and enjoy the journey instead of instantly rewarding ourselves, we can slowly teach our hearts to have a greater faith in God’s timing.

So, the next time your pastor doesn’t answer every question you had about a topic, maybe you can do the research yourself and let God show you the answers instead of just sending an email to your pastor and taking the easy way out. Or maybe the next time you’re facing a difficult trial, you can pray for the faith and wisdom to endure the suffering rather than for a swift conclusion. Even if you’re thumbing through the pages of God’s word and you end up confused by what you just read, try thanking God for the opportunity to explore the depths of his love because, deep down, you know that working through it will be much more gratifying and worthwhile than swallowing a pill.

Free Will...this tiny little gift that each and every one of us has been given. The freedom to choose what we want to do, which path to take...pretty much the ability to make any decision related to our life completely on our own. Sounds pretty amazing, don't you think? After all, it is OUR life, let's do what we want with it!

I find it ironic that "free will" is actually called such because in reality it gives us anything but freedom, especially when it leads us to behaviors that shape us in to something so far off from what God had made us to be. In the beginning, the choices we make apart from God may not seem like a big deal; they may not seem all that detrimental to our character. But before you know it, all of these small choices that are made day in and day out have developed into this huge burden to bear and we are left feeling lonely and confused, asking ourselves "Who have I become and how did I get here??" Yep, I've been there.

Lucky for us, God will only allow us to screw things up so badly before He hits us with circumstances that make us realize we can do nothing without Him. Lucky for us, He is all about second chances. Lucky for us, God will never stop loving us. These are amazing promises that I did not fully understand until I started surrounding myself with people who know who they are simply because of their relationship with Christ.

As I look back on the past year, I am blown away at how God's grace has changed my life. He has broken a vicious cycle I fought for so long and over a few months time has transformed feelings of hopelessness and guilt into a sense of peace and contentment. Isn't it amazing that He has the power to do that...to take away burdens I thought I would have to deal with everyday for the rest of my life...to rid me of the behaviors and relationships that were not honoring to Him...to change my heart that much?

When we can finally humble ourselves to the fact that we've really messed things up, acknowledge that we need God, and truly make Him the center, THINGS WILL CHANGE. His amazing plan for each of us is so much easier to see when all the old junk is finally gone...circumstances begin to change, you can see where God is working in your life, and there is so much hope in that. The only question I'm left asking now is, why'd I wait so long?

"He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions." Psalm 107:20

The fierce winds that blew so cold and strong this weekend had another effect besides breaking me out of the denial that winter is coming. I love Iowa and I love Iowans but this east coast born and bred really doesn’t like Iowa winter. Especially when the arctic front drops just below Des Moines making it feel more like Canada than the Midwest. And the infamous winter white-outs … what’s up with that? I neither heard nor experienced that in the east coast. Nor flesh-freezing weather; seriously, is that necessary? But I digress.

I live downtown which is usually, remarkably for a city, neat and clean. We have our dumpsters for our trash and neat little poop bag dispensers for dog owners like me to keep the sidewalks and small grassy strips clean. Most buildings have some kind of container out front for cigarette butts and we even have street people who regularly swing by and collect cans and bottles to redeem for the five cent deposit.

Every few weeks you see groups of people wearing matching Principal or Wells Fargo t-shirts, laughing and enjoying a “day off” from work as they volunteer to walk around the city and pick up trash. Des Moines is a great place to live, made even better by how clean it is. This past weekend, however, the winds they did blow. And they blew and howled and tore down allies and in the process helped themselves to whatever they could find in the dumpsters. Trash and lots of it was lifted and carried and deposited all over the streets and sidewalks and buildings. Isn’t it amazing how long it takes to clean and how fast a mess can be made? Des Moines was a mess.

I am Des Moines. I am a mess. I have a dumpster that I do my best to stash my trash in and I try really hard to keep the top down so no one can see or smell it. I think that only I know its contents and as long as I can keep it contained I look good to the rest of the world. My streets are clean. Problem is, now and again the winds come and lift the top and spread the contents around and low and behold, there is my stinky garbage visible and in plain sight and in all kinds of places it shouldn’t be. How humiliating. And I remember again the futility of trying to keep myself clean and how even my very best efforts are always in vain.

Thankfully I have a God who is neither too ashamed nor too proud to walk my streets and clean up my mess. God, the Creator of the universe, dons a t-shirt, takes up a garbage bag and one of those pointy sticks and stabs up my sins, cleans up my hurts, lifts up my offenses, sweeps away my pride, and sets me to rights again. This isn’t His day off; this is His daily work! And He does this with patience and grace and with so much love for me regardless my state. Jesus- my Savior, my King- and my ever humble and oh-so gentle garbage man … how incredibly amazing is that?

I just started a new journal. Last week I put aside the one I was using for more than a year with the pages full of prayers and notes about daily life circumstances. As I put the old one down, I flipped through its pages and looked back on where I have been through the past year or so. The year was full of wonderful blessings and new friendships but it was also full of hard and confusing trials. It is always incredible to look back and see how God was working in my life each day and in all those life situations. My God was with me each step of the way and it is more amazing how he used all those life circumstance and trials to mold me into who I am today and to teach me lessons I hope to never forget. He taught me about patience, about forgiveness, and about love. He taught me so much about the depths of His heart and His love for me as I discovered the depths of my own heart and love for others. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” I could not see it at the time, but as I look back, I can see how God kept His promise to me. He did work all those things together for my good.

Yet, here I am today in the midst of another trial and I am so quick to forget that God is working in this situation as well. I know what the lesson is this time. God wants to teach me about trust. Like the other lessons I learned, this one will not be easy either. I learned patience cannot be learned in a hurry or right away...it just doesn’t work that way. I learned forgiveness does not mean to ignore the pain and forget what happened, but to choose to not hold hard feelings and to love anyways. I learned love is a more than fuzzy feelings but a choice that needs to be made in the good times and bad times, in the ups and the downs, in the highs and the lows. Now I am learning about trust...not just about trusting God when everything in life is wonderful but when life is not fun, things hurt, and life is confusing.

For most of my life I have been a Christian and it is always so easy to say “I trust God” without really putting much thought behind the words. Now I ask myself, “can I trust God...even when it hurts?” Is He really working in this situation for my good even though it may not be going the way I want it to go. I so badly want to take control the situation and want answers from God right away (there is that patience issue again). I want to do this my way and in my timing and in the way I think it should go. I am so quick to forget that I tried that before once and it didn’t turn out so hot. I am not very good at being God. He is much better at it. He knows what He is doing. I realize I need to trust in Him. I need to trust in Him knowing He is in complete control of the situation and is working “ALL things” for good in my life in His perfect timing. Even though I cannot see it today and most certainly cannot feel it today, I will choose to trust in God. Even as I write these words I am discovering that as I make the choice to trust God, my inner spirit is filled with joy and peace knowing I am in God’s hands and in the very midst of His will for my life. I am excited to see what this trial looks like on the other end and learn all that God wants to teach me through it. I am sure someday in the future I will look back on these pages of my new journal and once again see how God was with me the entire time working the situation for good in my life.

James 1:2-3, “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.”

So...can I trust God even when it hurts? Yes, absolutely...because God is completely sovereign, infinite in wisdom, and perfect in love. I am reading a great book called Trusting in God Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges. Check it out...I can’t put it down.

Last night I was enjoying a steak burrito from Panchero’s with a little pico, hot sauce, and a handful of jalapeños. A buddy and I had decided to discuss some Immersion worship ideas, and out of nowhere, he hit me with some knowledge. It was one of those things that I had always felt and known deep down, but never heard someone put it to words in such a way that I saw it as a relevant truth.

I started coming to Immersion several years ago. Being a musician myself, I really dug the worship music, but I also really learned a lot from the messages. It was a time I looked forward to every week. But inevitably after I had been a regular for months on end, I started hearing overlap. I could sing half the songs with my eyes closed, and I could extract the point of a message long before the speaker ever got there. I felt as though I wasn’t learning anymore, or that the feeling I got from being convicted every week was gone for good. I was slowly losing my motivation to attend Immersion, and church in general.

Naturally, I think a lot of us get to this point sometime or another. The great thing about God’s word is that it’s consistent, and you can draw the same conclusion from tons of different verses. However, that also means that for us big-picture thinkers, we may not feel challenged consistently as these concepts become second nature. Or, regrettably, we may become bored and lose interest in a relationship with God as we feel it has become stagnant or that we’ve “learned everything.”

Now, obviously that’s not true, but we can’t deny that we all get that feeling sometimes. It goes without saying that we can all use good reminders of teachings, some more frequently than others, but when your entire relationship with God feels like nothing but a series of reminders, what do you do? Luckily for us, God sends along people like mi amigo en Panchero’s…

Get involved.

Seriously, just get up and do something! The knowledge that I digested along with my succulent Amerimexican cuisine was that serving a ministry, no matter how seemingly insignificant the role, changes your heart for it completely.

When you contribute your time and effort to a body of believers, you gain a new perspective. The instant you decide to show up a bit early and hand out bulletins, you’re no longer a bored spectator, but a herald of good news. With each piece of bread you break off and pass to your brothers and sisters during communion, you step closer and closer to furthering the ministry as a whole rather than idly watching it pass by. Even choosing to reach out to someone with something as small as a joyful greeting spreads Christ’s love like wildfire.

In short, you’re helping the ministry expand and prepare itself to serve people who were just like you, years ago, walking in for the first time. If you don’t believe me, try it and see for yourself!

It certainly doesn’t even have to be Immersion either!

Offer up some of your free time to help a ministry grow, and you’ll see how quickly God changes your heart for the ministry itself and the people involved. We’re commanded to serve one another in love, not because God needs us to make huge ministries or churches, but because God knows that serving one another in love is one of many things that He made us to do, and that it ushers in His presence and fills us up!

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Galatians 5:13-14

Who knew that burritos were such an enlightening entrée?

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you’d have preferred to talk.

Some friends invited me to lunch at their house yesterday. There were a lot of people there I hadn't met before. A friend introduced me to this person, told me his name and we shook hands. I said "So nice to meet you 'so and so'." I say 'so and so' because I literally repeated his name back but was not listening at all. I was so wrapped up in everything going on around me, I could not remember what he had told me his name was just 20 seconds earlier!

About an hour later I left, was driving in my car on my way to the bookstore and talking to my mom on my cell phone. I asked her a question, she began to answer, and before she could even get the answer out I would interrupt with another question that was completely unrelated. This went on for about 5 minutes before she finally said “Can we get back to your first question?”

I am feeling especially convicted by my behavior yesterday. Aside from being rude, it got me thinking. If I listen this attentively to friends and family who are physically with me, how well do I listen to what God is trying to tell to me through His Holy Spirit? Am I stopping or even slowing down to listen to what He is saying back to me? There are some days I feel like I am in a constant conversation with God, but so often it's this one-sided dialogue because I never shut up long enough to hear what He wants to say! Some times I’m not even focused on what I’ve just asked Him!

God desires a relationship with us. Have you ever been in a relationship or had a friendship with someone and you felt like all they did was talk about themselves? I have, and it drove me nuts...I imagine God feels the same way.

"Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance." Proverbs 1:5

I’m currently reading a very interesting book. It’s called “Christ and Culture” by H. Richard Niebuhr, and it’s 50 years old.

I included that last bit about the book’s age because if you’re even a casual student of culture, you understand that culture changes - that is its nature. The culture of the U.S. was vastly different 50 years ago than it is today (example: a gallon of gas 50 years ago cost $0.19 compared to the $3.56 we have here in Des Moines this morning!), yet this book reads as though it was written yesterday. (“Culture,” Niebuhr says, “holds its inhabitants as the sea holds a fish.” How great is that!)

Niebuhr discusses the different postures that Christians normally take towards the culture they find themselves in. They read like this:

Christ against Culture: Christians and the pagan culture are at odds; at war.

Christ of Culture: The movements of Christ can be found within the historicity of a culture.

Christ above Culture: The current world in which we find ourselves living acts a “waiting room” for the Christian - more of a nuisance than anything.

Christ and Culture in Paradox: Christians and the surrounding culture and in a struggle of disbelief that will ultimately be determined by the ending of time.

Christ Transforming Culture: The Christian here believes that God is moving in the here and now, actively transforming the culture in the present, and not just when Christ returns.